My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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