she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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