So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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