I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
