Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
