just come out here and I will go home with you...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
