I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
