You're my little dorito
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
