there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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