dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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