just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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