$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
