there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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