Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
