Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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