who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
