the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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