did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
