Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Houston, we have a blender
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
