I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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