Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
