Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
