I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
