Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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