I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
