So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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