Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
