The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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