Is it because I queefed?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
