How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
