You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
