Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
