feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
