sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
