Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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