just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
