Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
