Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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