At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
