so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize