I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
