just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
