her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
