My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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