I think I won the penis lottery.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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