First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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