smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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