if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
