the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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