worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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