we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
