I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
