I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Text me some of your sweat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
