Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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