She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just blew my weed a kiss
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
