Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just had sex bonerless
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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