we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
