I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize