please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
