answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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