Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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