Where did you get a picture of my penis
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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