he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
