i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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