Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
