mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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