Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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