I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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