The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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