I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
