i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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