Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
