why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
