# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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