I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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