So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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