I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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