Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
