i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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