He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
