I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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