So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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