D3 body, D1 cock
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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