Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize