He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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