im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
