I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
